Garden Wars - A Star Wars-ish parody

Chapter one

Not so long ago in a garden not very far away, a fairy princess was fleeing a troop of trolls in her little fairy boat. As she sailed across the pond she called out for help. The trolls were very close behind and she was about to be captured.

Seeing a garden gnome at the edge of the pond, she moored up her boat and cast a spell. The gnome, Hardy Duty, came to life. Quickly she wrote a letter and gave it to the gnome.

‘Please deliver this to Kenny Bee. Hurry, the garden is in danger’ she told the gnome.

Just as the gnome was out of sight, the trolls arrived and grabbed her. She thought about fighting but it was a waste of energy. A very powerful evil fairy arrived with the trolls.

‘Princess Lily!’ said the evil fairy. ‘You have committed a crime against the Garden Empire’.

‘It is you who have committed crimes Darkwalker!’ said Princess Lily. ‘You have betrayed your own people’.

‘Take her to the dungeons’ Darkwalker told the trolls.

Chapter two

Meanwhile, Hardy Duty travelled across the garden, hiding from the evil trolls. In a far corner of the garden he was set upon by some menacing pixies. Fortunately a young fairy by the name of Lucian heard his cries and came to help.

Lucian rode his steed towards the pixies yelling to scare them off. The pixies scattered.

The gnome nodded his thanks towards Lucian and began to walk off.

‘Hang on. Wait!’ said Lucian. ‘What’s your name? Where are you going?’

The gnome seemed to be anxious and in a hurry but Lucian couldn’t let him wander off and get attacked again. He asked the gnome what the matter was. Hardy showed him the letter for Kenny Bee.

‘I know Kenny’ said Lucian. ‘I’ll take you to him’.

Chapter three

In the dungeon, Princess Lily was being questioned by Darkwalker.

‘Where is it’ he growled. Princess Lily remained silent.

‘If you don’t tell me, I can use my magic to force it out of you.’

Princess Lily still said nothing.

Darkwalker stared at her. She avoided his gaze but she could feel his power compelling her to look. Darkwalker’s magic coursed through her. She resisted but he was too strong. She wouldn’t be able to keep her secret from him.

Darkwalker turned to the trolls and bellowed.

‘You idiots. You let a gnome escape past you. Find that gnome now!’

Chapter four

On the other side of the garden, Lucian and Hardy arrived at Kenny’s little house hidden among the bushes. It was quite remote and hard to get to. Kenny seemingly didn’t appreciate visitors but he always had time for Lucian. 

Kenny often told Lucian stories about Lucian’s father who had been a warrior in the old fairy kingdom. He had died in the war when Lucian was very young. On seeing them Kenny invited Lucian and the gnome to come in for some tea.

‘This is Hardy. He has a letter for you’ said Lucian.

Kenny read the letter. It didn’t look like it was good news. 

‘Sorry, the tea will have to wait.’

‘What is it?’ Lucian asked the older fairy.

‘Princess Lily has written to me. In her letter she is about to be captured by the Empire. She says the garden is in great danger and I must go to the palace.’

‘But what can you do?’ asked Lucian. 

‘There is a great magical force in our people, Lucian. A magical gift. I have it. Your father had it. I believe you have it too. I taught your father to use the power. I can teach you.’

‘I am not my father’ said Lucian. ‘I’m not a warrior.’

‘You have a destiny Lucian. Your father was a great hero but he was killed by the evil Darkwalker at the command of the emperor. You can provide hope to the garden and end the reign of the trolls.’

Chapter five

Princess Lily was hauled before the troll council. The evil fairy, Darkwalker, stood nearby.

‘Princess Lily, your fairy rebellion will soon be crushed. Surrender now or you will regret disobeying us’ said one of the trolls.

‘You will never defeat us. The fairies of the garden will not stand by and let you destroy it.’ 

‘I think a demonstration of our power is needed’ said another troll.

There was a loud roar and a terrifying beast was dragged to them by some lower trolls. The troll on the council clapped his hands and the beast was released. It flew into the air and flames burst from its jaws.

‘Behold the power of the Breath-Fire!’ said the troll. ‘Your precious lilies shall be destroyed.’

The dragon spat flames at the garden flowers and Princess Lily watched in horror as her beloved lilies caught fire. She sobbed as they burned and turned to ash.

Chapter six

As Lucian and Kenny made their way across the garden they found all residents in a state of panic. The trolls had already spread fear around the garden and cast a dark cloud over the garden for a number of years, but it was a particularly frightening time. Word had got round that the trolls were looking for a gnome.

The residents of the garden were anxious when they saw Hardy. Lucian thought they should stay in the shadows but Kenny said they needed to hire a boat to cross the pond. As they walked along the path two trolls jumped out.

‘You! Bring that gnome here.’

Lucian made to run but Kenny held him. He waved his hand towards the trolls and said quite simply ‘this is not the gnome you’re looking for.’

‘This is not the gnome we are looking for’ repeated the trolls and bid them on their way. Kenny’s magic was impressive.

They made their way to the Cactus Cantina where Kenny thought they might find a captain and a boat.

Chapter seven

In the Cactus Cantina an elf called Happy Sole was meeting with a fairy about a job. Happy was a smuggler always on the wrong side of the law. He was on the run from both the empire and his former employers. He was in much need of gold.

When Lucian, Kenny and Hardy walked in, all eyes turned to them with suspicion. They didn’t appear to be a very friendly bunch in here, thought Lucian. The bar keep warned them that if they didn’t want any trouble the gnome had better leave. Hardy agreed to wait outside whilst Kenny found his captain.

It didn’t take them long to come to Happy’s attention. He was the sort of elf that was prepared to face any danger for the right price. These strangers were offering a large amount of gold for what they claimed was an easy job. There was probably a catch.

After a brief negotiation Happy Sole agreed to take the two fairies and a gnome to the palace across the pond. The trolls controlled the pond and the island on which the palace stood but this journey was to avoid the empire at all costs, which commanded a pretty sum for Happy.

Chapter eight

They sped across the water in Happy’s boat hoping not to encounter any more trolls. Fortunately Happy’s boat had a secret compartment used to hide secret cargo where Hardy could hide.

Lucian looked across the pond in horror. Where there had once been beautiful flowers there was now horrible ash still smouldering. What had happened here?

Suddenly the water around them began to swirl. Happy was struggling to stop the boat overturning. Waves crashed over them and the boat began to spin. They found themselves in a massive whirlpool. They were going under.

‘Hold on’ shouted Happy.

Then the motion stopped. Unexpectedly, they found themselves in a cave; the ship was trapped in a net moored to the floor of the cave.  Two lower trolls stood at the shore.

‘It’s a smugglers boat’ said one of the trolls. ‘This could be a great find.’

‘Search for the crew’ said the other.

Crouched down in the boat Happy reached for his sword. But Kenny stopped him. ‘There’s no need for that’ he said.

Kenny stood and waved his hand. One of the trolls fainted. The other froze.

‘You will tell us everything we need to know’ Kenny told the troll, which the troll then repeated.

The troll told them that they were in the cave of the trolls governed by Lord Darkwalker where a powerful weapon, the Breath-Fire was being kept.

Lucian asked the troll where they were keeping the princess. The troll replied that Princess Lily was being held in the dungeon. Lucian thought that they should rescue her.

‘It’s more important that we could get out of here. We need to get to the castle’ said Kenny. ‘You two rescue Princess Lily and I will find a way out.’

Chapter nine

Lucian and Happy made their way to the dungeon to rescue the princess, Happy grumbling that this wasn’t part of the deal. Lucian reassured him by convincing him that there would probably be a reward. 

They found the dungeon quite easily but couldn’t open the door. Happy tried to knock it down but couldn’t force it open. Lucian thought for a moment he could will the door to open. He concentrated hard and was about to give up when it suddenly clicked open and poor Happy went flying through and landed on the floor.

Princess Lily stood on the other side of the doorway with a stone raised to come crashing down on the troll. She was befuddled by the elf that had crash landed at her feet.

‘What on earth? Who are you?’ she asked.

‘Princess Lily, we’ve come to rescue you’ answered Lucian.

‘I asked who you were.’

‘My name’s Lucian and this is Happy. We are here with Kenny Bee but he…’

‘You’re here with Kenny. He’s here? Okay, let’s go’ said Princess Lily and off they went down the tunnels.

As Lucian turned one way Princess Lily cried ‘no not the way. We have to avoid trolls. Honestly, you two are total fools?’

‘Hey Princess!’ yelled Happy. ‘It may have escaped your notice but we just rescued you so a bit of gratitude…’

‘Do you honestly think I couldn’t get out for myself?’ interrupted Lily. ‘Without a boat though we are stuck in this cave.’

‘It’s just as well then that I have a boat and it’s the best darn boat there is’ retorted Happy.

Princess Lily didn’t acknowledge Happy’s boast with words but shot him a wry look.

Chapter ten

Kenny Bee found what he was searching for in the office of Lord Darkwalker and hurried back to the boat. He was almost there when a figure stepped out from the shadows and blocked his path. 

‘Kenny Bee. It’s been a long time, my old master?’

‘Darkwalker? Indeed it has. I must say I barely recognise you.’

‘I have become more than you could ever imagine.’

‘I never imagined this for you, that is very true. You have betrayed your people and the magic. You have joined evil and become the stooge of the empire.’

‘I am the power of the empire’ Darkwalker shouted. He raised his hand and sparks shot from his fingers towards Kenny.

Kenny however, merely lifted his hand and caught the sparks in his palm waving them away effortlessly.

Chapter eleven

Lucian, Happy and Lily snaked through the tunnels hiding from trolls. The princess led the way with the boys at times struggling to keep up.

‘When we get back to the boat I’ll get us out of here and I can take you somewhere safe.’ Happy sounded confident but in truth he had no idea how to get out.

‘You can take me to the castle’ said Lily. ‘I need to see the resistance and my gnome.’

‘You mean Hardy. He’s back on the boat’ said Lucian.

‘You brought him here? You were supposed to take him to the castle. Just when I thought you couldn’t make things worse.’ 

They turned a corner and they could see the boat moored at the shore of an underground pool. The sound of trolls approaching made them hurry. As they neared the boat they heard the sound of shouting and looked left to another chamber of the cave.

Chapter twelve

Kenny and Darkwalker battled in the other chamber.

The evil fairy threw sparks and fire towards Kenny Bee who batted them off. With a wave of his hand he sent a stone flying towards Darkwalker who dodged it.

To his right Kenny Bee saw Lucian, Lily and Happy running for the boat. He tried not to give them away as he launched another attack towards his opponent, but Lucian had stopped to face them. Kenny waved him onwards to the boat.

As they boarded the boat, Kenny turned to face them and threw out both his arms and sent out a force launching the boat from the shore. As he did so, Darkwalker’s powerful strike landed on his back and made him fall to his knees.

Lucian screamed out. ‘Kenny!’

Kenny waved his arm and the boat began to turn. Lucian watched on in horror as Darkwalker again struck Kenny.

Struggling for breath Kenny whispered the incantation to release the boat. Darkwalker’s final blow hit him and Kenny faded into nothingness.

Lucian fell to his knees but it was nothing to do with the motion of the boat as it pulled away from the shore. The net fell away from the boat as they got further from the shore. Very quickly, they were out on the open pond again, and Happy was steering them away from the rocks towards the central island. A large stone and other missiles hurled past their ship. They were being followed.

‘Hey kid’ shouted Happy. ‘Make yourself useful and aim for those chasing us’ he said tossing him a sling-shot.

It was very difficult with the speed of the boat and the motion of the water but Lucian managed to fire a shot at the troll following them. It struck the troll in the eye and he tumbled backwards into the pond. A second troll leapt to steer their ship.

Happy steered the boat towards the land. They were coming in hard. Lucian thought they would crash for sure. At the last second, Happy made the boat do a sharp turn. The troll ship hurtled past them on the port side and tumbled over the rocks.

Chapter thirteen

‘Princess Lily. Thank goodness you’re safe’ said the commander.

‘No one is safe, commander’ replied the princess. ‘The empire has a new weapon. The Breath-Fire can destroy all the flowers in the garden. Fortunately, I have stolen a power that can help us. It’s stored inside this gnome.’ She gestured towards Hardy Duty.

The resistance called a meeting with all the best fighters.

‘Thanks to these brave warriors we have a chance to defeat the empire’ said the commander ‘but it is a small chance.’

‘The empire’s weapon is a dragon called the Breath-Fire. It could destroy the whole garden. But thanks to Princess Lily we have magic that could tame it. The magic can be split between five magical warriors but they will need to get close enough to the beast to fire it right into the chest of the Breath-Fire. The volunteers will need all the help they can to keep the dragon distracted and to fight off the trolls. How many of you can we rely on?’

Lucian was one of the first to volunteer. He owed it to Kenny to stop the evil empire. Happy though, was less interested. He told Lucian that he had the gold he had come for and that he had enough of his own battles. Unable to change his mind, Lucian said goodbye to Happy and prepared to fight.

Lucian was chosen as one of those who would take a share of the magical power from Hardy. It turned out there were not many fairies in the resistance who had the gift of magic. Lily was one of the four other volunteers.

Chapter fourteen

The battle started sooner than they would have liked. The troll army came to them ready to destroy the castle and the resistance.

Following the commander the brave fairies flew out of the castle with their bows and arrows. They were evenly matched with the trolls until seemingly from nowhere a dark shadow blocked out the sunlight and a terrifying dragon appeared in the sky.

A large burst of fire struck the castle walls, the magical fortress barely holding out. Fairies arrows hit the dragon and bounced off ineffectively. As the Breath-Fire reeled around the first fairy with the magic flew towards him but got nowhere near before the flames engulfed her.

Lucian flew towards a group of trolls and dropped a branch on them. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash as a unicorn raced past. Princess Lily was riding it towards the Breath-Fire with her fist clenched full of magic. Just behind her a black puff of smoke rose out of nothing and suddenly an evil figure appeared. Darkwalker was right on Princess Lily’s tail.

Lucian cried out as Darkwalker’s blast hit the princesses unicorn and Princess Lily fell to the ground. Darkwalker turned his attention to another fairy and sent him hurling towards the pond.

The Breath-Fire was coming round for another attack on the castle. This was the last chance to tame the creature. Lucian looked round and noticed that it was down to him. He was the only one with the power.

Dodging several missiles he flew high enough to be out of reach. From above the Breath-Fire he descended on his target. But Darkwalker was suddenly behind him. There was no-one to help.

‘Hey kid. Hang on.’ Happy Sole was on top of the garden fence. As Lucian flew past, Happy dug his sword into the fence and pushed the wooden plank backwards. As the top of the fence post dropped backwards, the bottom swung up and smacked into Darkwalker sending him soaring high into the air.

Lucian flew on towards the Breath-Fire almost landing on his back. The beast turned and opened his jaws. Flames began to emerge from his open mouth.

‘Trust the magic, Lucian’ came a voice. It was the voice of Kenny Bee but it came from somewhere within.

Lucian closed his eyes and flew into the fire. It parted around him. Lucian reached out and touched the chest of the Breath-Fire. The magic flowed through his hand and into the heart of the Breath-Fire.

The great beast turned back and flew up into the air away from the castle. As it flew off the fairies of the resistance cheered. The trolls looked at each other in panic and confusion and then they ran away.

The battle was won. They had scored a huge victory against the evil empire. And there was new hope in the garden.